Do you guys find it as hard to say no as I do, sometimes?
It’s tough to say no to things when you feel like you should say yes.
I used to struggle with social invitations. People would ask me to do things + I would say yes to everything + then when they all came around I’d be exhausted. I’m naturally more introverted than most people realise so I relish time by myself. It took me ages to realise I didn’t have to say yes to everything. People wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t go to every single thing I was asked to go to. The world doesn’t fall apart. Infact, the world doesn’t care much. Only I did.
Now I happily decline invitations (not all of them!) in favour of recharging my own batteries or working on something that’s close to my heart.
Right now, I’m working on how I say no to giving too much. There’s nothing wrong with giving of yourself, but if you give so much that you completely run out of juice, then you gave wrong.
Giving should sustain you, not drain you.
I’m starting to ask myself the following questions now when I feel like I’m giving too much:
- Am I giving because I want to (not feel like I have to?)
- Do I enjoy this experience of giving?
- Is this giving sustainable for me & the recipient(s)?
If I can answer YES to these questions, then I can happily continue giving knowing that it’s also nourishing me. If a NO creeps in then I think a little harder about whether this is working or whether there’s another way to give that enables me to still say yes. Maybe I’m giving in time + I could give in money – or vice versa.
I’m still learning + playing with this idea. Sometimes the thought of not giving makes me feel like I’m really letting people down. So I play with that. I simply allow myself the possibility that there is an option not to give. I continue giving + see whether that option turns into anything else or if the giving is right + the feeling passes.
I don’t HAVE to change anything. I can just leave the options open + see what happens.
So if you’re feeling stretched, why not apply the above 3 questions to your situation? By doing this you can find out if you are giving too much, or if you can give in a different way without draining yourself.
Play with the possibility that saying no might be saying yes to you.
P.S. If you’d like to set more gentle goals to improve your day to day life, check out Blissful Life Yoga where we do just that.
P.P.S If you are local to Berkhamsted why not check out my upcoming courses + workshops?