Dearest shining souls,
Something that I have learnt in the last 6 years in my relationship with my partner is that it’s good to talk. An honest, compassionate + open communication channel can be the difference between being miserable in a relationship + it elevating you to the best version of yourself.
Much like yoga, relationships are a practice of awareness.
If you go into your yoga or meditation practice on auto-pilot, you’ll get very little out of it. Similarly with your relationship – if you go into it taking everything for granted, you won’t get the most out of it. Bringing awareness into different elements of your relationship is a wonderful way to practice living in awareness, as well as helping you to bring more joy in your life. Here are my 3 tips to help you bring awareness into your relationship.
1. Create time to talk
Myself + my partner don’t have children yet – but we still find it difficult sometimes to create space to talk. We talk every day, but if we aren’t careful it can be purely about very domestic + organisational things like who will put the bins out + what we are doing at the weekend.
Those conversations are an essential part of being in a relationship that works – but if your daily conversation is dwindling down to the essentials you need to create space to talk about the real stuff.
We have a date night each week which we take in turns to organise. Not every week is an intense talking session, but the idea is to create that space. Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes we go out for dinner + chat. Other times we stay at home with a bottle of wine + work through or discuss an issue that one or both of us might be struggling with. When we’ve done that we relax + watch our TV shows! It doesn’t have to be intense the whole time.
It might feel regimented to you to specifically set a date night aside per week. That’s fine if you feel that way, but if you aren’t making time for your relationship but you are making time to go to work/the gym/your doctor’s appointments – I’d ask yourself a few questions about where your priorities lie. There’s nothing wrong with loose ‘relationship appointments’ to actively put time into it. Spontaneity should, by all means, still take place – but as a minimum it’s important to put aside regular time that is specifically for the relationship. If you’re doing this naturally then you rock.
2. Set ground rules for important conversations
If one of you is worrying or struggling to deal with something, it can be quite hard to bring it up. Set ground rules that if somebody needs to talk a difficult subject through that it’s always approached with compassion.
That individual can start the conversation with something along the lines of: “I want to talk about an issue that’s difficult for me. I’m not sure exactly what we need to do to progress this, so I’m just going to say what I’m feeling. It’s not necessarily a fully formed idea or thought process, so I’d like your support to explore this + work through it together in a gentle way.” In return for that frankness, the other party should respond with gentleness + compassion, even if the issue is a criticism of their behaviour.
If you don’t have this kind of ground rules you can delay important conversations just because of a fear of a negative response. It’s better to get things out in the open but set the context for it being a space in which you can work + explore together steps to make things better, as well as creating space in which both parties try to understand each other’s perspectives.
3. Keep trying new things
At the beginning of a romantic relationship we have that initial rush of excitement. It’s new. We can’t stop thinking about the other person. Even doing laundry with them is a rush. You hang on their every word.
You know why? Because it’s all new.
In a long term relationship it’s much harder to get excited about doing the laundry together or listening to your partner talk about their day. In the long game, you have to make the effort to do things that don’t seem so exciting any more because it’s how you show your love for the other person.
That’s not to say you can’t re-introduce that excitement again, though. Try out new things together. Make a list of fun activities you’d like to share, places you’d like to visit or even books you’d like to read. Keep introducing new activities so you can share your opinions, fears + experiences. You might learn something new about each other + you can re-experience that rush of new-ness all over again.
Love + Light,
P.S. Don’t forget I’m giving away a free copy of my Live Your Best Life e-Workbook + streamable kundalini yoga video. Check out this blog post and email me your answers to be in with a chance to win! Winner announced on 29th Oct so get your answers in ASAP.
P.P.S It’s not too late to join this month’s Meditation to Calm the Heart – great for handling your emotions in relationships!
P.P.P.S Oh my gosh I’m so excited, look what’s coming soon for you for an amazing price! Yoga, meditation, getting organised – all in one happiness resource!